


Eve

by heffalumps



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, F/M, the drabbliest of drabbles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 08:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12553352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heffalumps/pseuds/heffalumps
Summary: Blackwall takes stock of his life on the eve of Mornay's execution.





	Eve

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts of a Dying Atheist by Muse has elicited thoughts in this poor little fanfiction writer. Here they are.

He was a fraud.

It was always there; a constant, looming presence in the back of his mind. The knowledge that he was living a lie. The knowledge that, if released from its cage, would destroy everything he had worked so hard to build. This fortress of his life built on a razor’s edge. Any movement, no matter how slight, could send everything he had achieved toppling off the edge of a cliff, spiralling into the ocean. And it would be no less than he deserved.

He wasn’t good enough.

There was a darkness in him that he couldn’t let loose. What he had done in the past, he could not undo. What he would do in the future, he could not escape. His tenuous grip on the small parts of him that were still worth saving could slip away at any instant. Every breath he took, every beat of his heart inevitably brought him closer to the moment where that grip faltered. The moment he would take another innocent life, the moment he would destroy something unique, something pure, something good. Was the darkness in him, or was _he_ the darkness? He acted as darkness did, after all; he consumed any light that he touched.

He was alone.

He was surrounded by those who could do what he could not: live a good life. A simple mission, and yet entirely and irrevocably out of his reach. A hollow in the midst of those who burnt so bright, always so close to revealing his true nature; never quite faltering, but always on the brink. They could not understand. He could not show them what he truly was.

_Order of Execution: Mornay. Charges: Treason._

His hand balled into a fist around the missive. He knew what he had to do - how to forever silence the dark parts of him that were always on the verge of breaking free from his hold. How to save the only parts of him worth saving. But it meant leaving _her_.

He looked down at her sleeping figure. He had never seen anything so beautiful as her unguarded, safe, at home in the bed they had shared. Strong, proud, independent, and yet fiercely vulnerable as she gave her heart to him, expecting - no, _demanding_ \- his in return. He wanted nothing more than to answer in kind, to give her the man she thought him to be.

She was the light. And that was why he had to do this.

He could not live a good life - but a good death might still redeem Thom Rainier.


End file.
